On Life, love and Politics

"Random musings about Life, love and Politics. Just my open diary on the events going on in the world as I see it."

When for better gets to for worse May 10, 2010

Filed under: Lifestyle — kikenileda @ 9:25 AM


Chinwe Chukwu

I have often wondered why some married men cheat on their wives. Personally, I see it as an unforgivable offence. I mean, why would someone who has vowed to be faithful to their partner and who claims to love them cheat on them?

It also worries me that some men do this and then when they hear of a woman doing it, they are the first to cast a stone. Few weeks ago, a married man asked me out. I asked him before hand what he wanted from me, and I was really surprised when he said he was in love with me.

I asked him again his marital status, and he answered married and with kids too. So I asked him why he would want to cheat on his wife. Did it mean he didn't love her?

He corrected me instantly, saying "It's really very hard for us men to keep to just our wives! The heart still seeks for love out there, and passionately for that matter. I can't explain why, but it's the truth with nearly all men. Doesn't really mean that I don't love my wife, I sincerely do."

I became lost, wondering if the love I have known and read about is the one he professed. I then asked him again what he thought his wife would feel when she discovered his infidelity. He seemed to have an answer to every question. To this one, he said she would never find out.

He said if anyone told his wife that he was unfaithful, she would never believe them. As he spoke, I had an urge to give him a slap. Had he forgotten that it was a woman to which he spoke?

As the thought lingered in my head, he even had the effrontery to tell me that if I wanted to have a successful marriage, I should have it in mind that my man will be no exception. He really annoyed me with his words, and I felt pity for his wife.

Why didn't he remain unmarried instead of marrying and cheating on the woman? As the conversation between me and the man lengthened, I asked him to tell me the reason he sought affection elsewhere. Again, he was quick to answer. "A man courting a woman always gives. A married man always expects. Some women have always been used to receiving. And giving endlessly becomes an unbearable burden to them. You can never truly know your spouse until you are permanently living together."

As we discussed, I felt like all cheating married men were speaking through this man. I argued with this man, trying to make him see the wrong he did but he began to prove his point, even quoting bible verses. I became tired of his folly and told him to believe whatever he wanted. I too would hold my own beliefs.

Thinking it about it now, it disgusts me that now people have excuses for infidelity and are not even ashamed of it. Some give the excuse of "She/he is not the same person I married". What in God's name is that supposed to mean? Now "for better" has gotten to "for worse" and you remember your partner is not same with the person you married.

The truth I believe is this, we all have the dream of a perfect mate but we have to understand that no one is perfect.

When people marry, they expect their partner to live the dream they had seen. When what is expected is not what is seen, instead of adjusting, they try to replace it.

But does running away from reality make it any better? When one cheats, does one's partner revert to the person they thought they married? Does it never come to mind what the wife would do if she discovers the husband is cheating?

My questions right now to men; why do some married men cheat on their wives? Is any reason justified?

To women; do you think a cheating husband when discovered should be pardoned? Why do you think a man would want to cheat on his wife?

Tell me what you know or think because sincerely, I don't believe all men are the same or are they?


2 Responses to “When for better gets to for worse”

  1. I am not surprised at all at what u just said. I know this lady back in Cameroon that was married to this guy who had another family in Douala for about 15 years. They had been together for about 20 or more years and she never knew he had another wife and children all the while.

  2. Sam Says:

    I was at an African barber’s shop a few days ago and got entangled in a discussion of this kind. 4 big men(all above 37) with 2 of them being married welcome the idea of infidelity. They live with partners and wifes in Europe and still got partners or maybe another families back home in Africa. when i asked them what kind of a quality of life was that they all were amazed at my position. They told me “i’ve been europeanised & i’m on the bad footing”, and they went on “u will be disappointed one day and u shall stay there alone”. They even described the second partner or family to be a “spare tyre” without no shame. It is really disqusting to hear people talk like this without no shame. I couldn’t convince and bring them out of their doing but atleast i told them my mind.

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