By JACKSON BIKO
Accept it, the Chinese are smart. Not only because they build everything we use, but because they seem to have a saying for everything, even if it’s hysterical. Here is one that will get your goat; “Beauty is the wisdom of women while wisdom is the beauty of men.”
In short, a beautiful woman doesn’t have to be intelligent or smart because beauty substitutes wisdom. Beauty redeems every female foible. When you finally stop breathing too hard and think about it for a second, you will see the grain of truth therein.
Where I come from, women with big eyes were way up there on the beauty scale. They made men’s knees buckle and they were praised in songs.
I once saw this couple on a date. The man seemed to be in his mid-30s, the woman in her late 20s. It looked like they had just started dating because he kept refilling her drink, perhaps to make her drunk faster.
And he seemed nervous because he looked overly privileged to be with her. He leaned way into the table.
On the other hand, the woman –obviously accustomed to turning men into fumbling idiots – leaned way back in her chair, acted as if she would rather be back at home painting her nails. Suffice to say, the scenario was deeply saddening.
The greatest misfortune for any man is to be with a woman who thinks she is God’s gift to mankind and that she is doing him a favour by allowing him the pleasure of her company.
And you can tell a woman like that from a mile off; they are always the ones who show up late for dates and don’t apologise for it and the proceed to wear a cynical look thoughout the date.
But as many men will confess, the hardest woman to date is the beautiful one because you have to constantly feed her vanity. Men turn into putty before a beautiful woman; they take a stab at humour because every man likes to make a beautiful woman laugh.
They profess to read the Financial Times just to sound intelligent. Sadly, half the time such a woman will not even catch on, not when she is making numerous trips to the bathroom to powder her nose.
And therein lies the curse of beauty because a beautiful woman will never really know the real man when they meet – because she is too preoccupied with herself to notice the world around her.
Here is a truism that most gorgeous women will draw swords at; a good number of the truly beautiful women are hardly ever that interesting as people. I’m obviously avoiding using the word I’m tempted to use here: boring.
Most are too self-absorbed. Most thrive on the superfluous. They wear their beauty on their sleeves. They institutionalise it and it ends up smelling like stewed underwear!
But God is smart (smarter than the Chinese) because when he gives a woman beauty, chances are he would have taken something from her.
And normally it’s not hard to isolate what that is. If you are idle enough to do some research, I can bet that you will find that the most insecure women are the gorgeous ones.
Or that they are generally less creative sexually (why would they bother and they are doing you a favour?) or that they are less funny.
Talking of funny, every man laughs at a beautiful woman’s joke, no matter how mundane, she might take it personally if you don’t.
Granted, there are dozens of gorgeous women with a sense of humour, but the most hilarious women are the ones who are not over the top beautiful. The beautiful woman doesn’t try too hard to please; it’s her who should be pleased.
But beauty, like sunset, is fickle… it fades and it fades fast. Nobody remains beautiful forever. Not even with botox. With the possible exception of Toni Braxton, the women who used to give us wet dreams in high school only give us wet eyes now.
To be fair, most men haven’t quite remained the same either, not with the hideous beer bellies, the wheezing when we walk, drinking disorders and apathetic look at fitness. But why change the subject?
You won’t stay beautiful forever. Beauty fades faster than dreams and everything than can go south will eventually point south. Body parts will bow to the command of gravity, you shall grey and you will grow a beard.
No amount of eyeliner or mascara will save you from the finality of age and time. The truly beautiful women are the ones who are unconscious of their beauty, or even unsure of it. A personality goes a long way but, sadly, personalities aren’t sold over the counter.
Loosen up because the sun doesn’t rise with your smile. Pick a book sometime and read something that will propel the diner conversation beyond Desperate Housewives.
Know who the minister of Health is. Muster humility. Smile like you mean it. Give me a good personality over beauty any day.