In our series of viewpoints from African journalists, Zimbabwean filmmaker and columnist Farai Sevenzo looks back at 2009.
What a difference a year makes – 12 little months. Where there are events we think we can predict, we find we cannot see past one month, never mind 12 – or, as has been the fashion this month, 10 whole years because everyone wants to look back on a decade that doesn't mathematically end until this time next year.
But this time last year, where were we?
History is often so cruel to the history-makers
We Africa-watchers were watching the death of one coup leader in Guinea and marvelling at the wisdom of the French saying that the more things change, the more they stay the same, as Captain Moussa Dadis Camara executed his own coup barely six hours after the death of the old coup-master Lansana Conte.
Twelve months ago as Guinea's beret rouge took over the affairs of state, who would have thought that a year on, the architect of that bloodless coup would have gone into medical exile in Morocco with bullet wounds to the head?
Yes, the 45-year-old captain is no longer at the helm in the troubled West African country and he didn't even make it to the first anniversary of his own coup.
History is often so cruel to the history-makers.
Since there are no soothsayers left of any worth, it is difficult to predict where this coming year will take us.
But in the ancient world of talking animals, it was often said that the giraffe was the soothsayer – her long neck allowed her to look into the past with supernatural ease and peer into the future too and see beyond the clouds of predictability to reveal the true essence of the African.
No wedding presents were forthcoming for Zimbabwe's marriage of convenience
What did she see in Zimbabwe? Old foes becoming friends? The 85-year-old Robert Mugabe indispensable to his party?
Yes, the marriage of convenience stuttered on through many pains and the world was less vocal about the dubious state of this marriage, and could not tell whether the husband was a wife-beater or if the wife was being unfaithful to the cause, and so the wedding gifts were not forthcoming.
But as December comes to a close, there they are in jovial mood, the thin old man and his ample wife, assuring us all that the new year will be a better one because they have nearly resolved their differences.
Sex bans and dogs of war
Meanwhile Kenya's marriage of convenience was given fresh impetus when Kenyan women decided to abstain from sex for a week so the coalition government in Nairobi would know their womenfolk were displeased with their constant squabbling.
Simon Mann was all smiles after his reprieve from a 34-year jail term
The giraffe tells me this was a laughable gesture, as a week is not a long time in politics and it showed just what part of their bodies made all the decisions.
Then the president of that republic – Mwai Kibaki – and his wife Lucy faced the press to confirm that their own marriage, despite rumours to the contrary, was on far more solid ground and that they were happily married.
Had we bothered to listen to the wise old giraffe, we would have learned that plotting the overthrow of a government does not necessarily mean death and imprisonment – the dog of war Simon Mann was freed on a presidential pardon in Equatorial Guinea.
While in yet another Guinea – this time the volatile little corner that is Bissau – the old dapper dictator Joao Bernardo Vieira was shot dead after being blamed for the killing of an army chief.
Still, the soothsayer giraffe does not tell us about forthcoming killings because she knows we expect them.
What we would all give to sleep on a pirate's mattress
Somalia continued to spill blood in its search for sanity, killing cabinet ministers at a graduation ceremony as the Islamists chased after heaven with the odd suicide bomb and a stoning or two of adulterers.
Pirates grabbed our attention too, and I wonder where they are investing their millions in this age of bankrupt banks.
Oh what we would all give to sleep on a pirate's mattress.
Meanwhile another country near the Horn of Africa seems to have been very careless with its citizens for it keeps losing them.
Yes, we are told, thousands of Eritreans continue to leave the country and to leak out of Isaias Afewerki's dubious realm, saying they are escaping tyranny.
It got so bad that the entire Eritrean national football team didn't board their return flight to Asmara following a football match in Nairobi.
As if that wasn't indictment enough on Mr Isaias's rule, the UN want to slap Eritrea with an arms embargo and targeted sanctions for supporting the Islamists in Mogadishu.
You see, said the giraffe, his enemy's enemy is his friend.
The climate change talks did not work out well for Africa or Ethiopia's leader
Mr Isaias's enemy is Meles Zenawi of Ethiopia, who, having fought the Islamists in Somalia, was last seen looking like a jazz trumpeter in the bitter cold of the climate talks in Copenhagen.
The talks to save the planet from outrageous emissions in the name of development proved frosty.
The Africans in Denmark were not happy with the Ethiopian prime minister, nor with the crumbs from the climate negotiating table.
Mr Meles had negotiated a sum of money to help Africa fight the effects of climate change.
We, they cried, will suffer the most from the rich countries' abuse of the planet and no drought and rising seas is worth a measly $10bn.
True sons of Africa
We veered from politics to pop too, as Africa joined the rest of the world in mourning the death of Michael Jackson and claimed him as a true son of Africa despite the apparent change in his pigmentation.
Barack Obama's inauguration was celebrated across the continent
And all year long we've been enthralled by the American election of a Kenyan grandson called Barack Obama, a man so mesmerising that even as he fights two wars, he had time to pick up the Nobel peace prize.
Our 2009 has been so full of twists and turns – great athletes like Usain Bolt and Caster Semenya were remembered for different reasons.
Our football stars dazzled premiere clubs all over the world in preparation for the first football World Cup to be held on African soil.
With the Angola hosting the Africa Cup of Nations this coming January, are we in danger of a little sport fatigue in 2010?
Not at all, said the giraffe, every maternity hospital in Africa will see 2010 babies with names like Fabio Capello, Didier Drogba, Michael Essien, Elephant, Super Eagle, Black Star and Why Not Bafana?
What else then, does the future hold? I asked the giraffe.
A predictable look at the coming year for South Africa, Guinea and Somalia?
The more things change, she said, the more they will stay the same.
A soldier will run Guinea, a president will turn 86 in February; South Africa will have her World Cup tournament after all that construction and a little Madiba magic may return to bring their Bafana Bafana football team to the edge of the quarter finals at least.
I am told that in preparation for this unlikely event, all giraffes have been expelled from Ugandan territory
At least that, I say hopefully. What else?
The Somali pirates will continue to operate on the waters around the Horn.
I told the giraffe that what she was predicting was all too predictable – even for a great seer of the future such as herself.
Well, she declared, if you really want an exclusive it is this: After a couple of decades, it is possible that Uganda will have a gay president.
Now that really was a shock, and I am told that in preparation for this unlikely event, all giraffes have been expelled from Ugandan territory.
Compliments of the season – and may your 2010 be full of African victories.